The Haves and the Have Nots

At times it can be easy to forget that South Africa is in its infancy in terms of democracy because even though South Africa is not considered a developed country, our quality of life here is very similar to the United States.  This year marks the 20th anniversary of South Africa's first democratic elections and the official end to apartheid.  

My family lives in a beautiful safe community, a spacious house, and we have access to quality education and healthcare.  As far as I can tell nearly everyone that lives on our community is white while nearly everyone that works (gardeners, domestic workers) in our community is black.  Living here resembles what I think the South (in the US) would have looked like in the 1950's.  The black workers in our community are essentially bused in to work for the "rich" white people.  The wages are low but it is considered a "good" job because unemployment is high and it is very difficult to find work.  It is not unusual during daylight hours for 100 people, men and women, to stand outside of the gates to our community hoping to be picked up for a miscellaneous job for the day.  One day when I was dropping off our domestic worker, Jennifer, at the tax stand, three women ran up to my car in hopes that I had pulled over because I was looking to hire some help.  

South Africa has one of the highest rates of inequality in the world.  Because of this, I assumed that a middle class didn't exist in South Africa.  Most Americas support the idea that a strong middle class is important for a healthy economy.  I did a little in research and found that there is a growing black middle class in South Africa as a result of the end of apartheid, improvement in education and an overall change in economic policies (such as credit availability and the government’s Black Economic Empowerment (BEE) program).  One article I read pointed out that the rising black middle class is a sign that race is becoming disassociated with class because the middle class is now more racially represented.  Democracy takes time but progress is being made and the emergence of a black middle class is a step in the right direction.

It Takes a Village

One of the cultural differences I noticed immediately was how South Africans commonly offer parents help with their children.  At first it caught me off guard.  Americans will help a stranger's child if the child is in danger or distress (lost his mom in the store, stuck on the jungle gym and needs help getting down).  South Africans especially black South Africans will help the parent and the child. Let me provide a few examples.  I was shopping with the kids and Jonah needed to go to the bathroom.  While in the restroom, the toilet attended helped Jonah adjust and button his pants.  I was holding Mira and before I even had a chance to try to help him, she was offering assistance.  My favorite example is when we were eating at one of our favorite restaurants. One of the servers, picked up Mira who was fussing so we could eat our meal in peace.  She then proceeded to walk Mira around the restaurant, introducing her to fellow staff,  and even dancing with her in a birthday drum line.  She held Mira for a good 20 minutes and for half of the time I couldn't even see them.   I consider myself to be fairly laid back with my children but I was even questioning for a second if it was safe to let a stranger walk away with my child.  I just figured that was the American in me.

                                                              Mira in the Drum Line

You are moving where??

You are moving where?  That was a common response when I starting sharing our plans.  Followed by "Why" and a funny look.  After a while I started to enjoy telling people just for the look of shock on their faces.  I think our four year old Jonah was getting a kick out of it too, because he would tell random strangers, who would look at me for confirmation (or more likely correction).

Let me start at the beginning, especially for those that may be reading my blog and don't really know the whole story.  

My husband Dave's company has a job site outside of Pretoria, South Africa.  The project is already in its fourth year and will take about 10 years in total.  We had been talking about taking on this opportunity for the last four years if a position became available.  So here we are.  For us it really wasn't a hard, long, drawn out decision.  We talked about it and it just seemed right.  The benefits (truly experiencing another culture, travel, financial) seemed to outweigh the downside (leaving our family and friends).  We signed a two year contract so we are hoping for two years we can buck up and deal with living so far away from the ones we love.

Preparing for our move was pretty stressful.  We have moved before many times; in the first seven years of marriage we lived in seven houses/apartments.  Typically when we moved in the past it consisted of trying to downsize our possessions (over time this becomes easier as you don't own as much and learn fast not to hold on to unneeded items) and we almost always had some professional help with packing and moving.  This move was a little different mainly because it is our first international move.   Logistically, we had to downsize more than ever before since we were only taking suitcases of clothes and some personal items such as kids toys on the plane.

This is 1 of 8 Tupperware Action Packers that we used instead of suitcases.  In total we had 12 pieces of tupperware/luggage.



Additionally we rented a storage unit in Pittsburgh to keep certain items that we didn't want to give away or sell.  I can't begin to describe the amount of time I spent trying to sell and give away our furniture, toys, clothes, etc.  It was exhausting.  We (hmmm Dave) decided not to hire professional packers or movers.  I was cursing him at times under my breath but it did save us money. Emotionally this move was overwhelming at times.  Our family was naturally upset and some members were not handling it as well as others.  It was difficult to know that we were causing others to hurt and to deal with that while we were also feeling sad about leaving was tough.

                                                           Mira helping mommy pack


As it always does, most things fell into place.  Our family helped us with the move for weeks up to the day we drove to New York.  My parents were at our house nearly every day for weeks helping me to sort, pack, watch the kids, and clean.  I stopped working about a month before the move and it took me that long to get everything in order.  Dave was still working but was handling our visas and all the paperwork and appointments for the dogs (I will write a separate blog on flying the dogs).  He was also staying on top of things like banking issues, international driving license,  and purchasing electronics (they are cheaper in the States).

We had to fly out of JFK/NY because of the dogs.  They would be flying in cargo and fortunately were able to be on our flight.  Because of the dogs we had to drive all of us including a lot of luggage, carseats, and stroller to NY.  This meant, renting a minivan and a cargo van that thankfully my parents were willing to drive.

There were so many moments when I couldn't visualize how this move was going to come together.  But here we are starting a new chapter in Pretoria, South Africa with our babies and our bostons (terriers that is) and we are up for the challenge!